Two Worlds....

Around this time last year, a game was released that had a lot of hype behind it. They called it an Oblivion slayer. They bragged about playing online with your friends. Needless to say, I was excited. Then the big day came, I rented a copy (good move) and jumped into a big pile of shit.

What was this I was playing? It certainly was not the amazing game I had been hearing about. This looked like a PC game made by some fledling game developer in 2001. It's hard to single out what the worst thing is in this game (so many options). I would have to go with the olde English voice acting if I had to chose....wow, this was like Resident Evil bad.

The combat is lousy, the leveling system is a broken version of better made games, but the voice acting is the cherry on this brown steamer. If I hear "well met" or "aiye" one more time in my life it will be to soon.

(shut your damn pie holes)

I remember getting one of my friends online and waiting for the game to load....and load, and load. Finally, we got on, ran up to each other, and then the game would freeze, time and time again it would freeze. I had played online many times with this guy and we have never had problems with connections before. The bottom line with online play is it didn't work. This game looked and felt like it was half finished when It was released.

The only thing that was done well in this game was the weapon/armor/magic stacking. If you have two or more like kind items, just smoosh them together into a more powerful item. Smash two fords together and get a lexus, right?

(Now you're pimp)

I did go all the way through this game, so I feel I have earned a bage of honor (like getting shot or stabbed). If you see this sitting on a shelf with a tempting severly reduced price...do yourself a favor and buy yourself 20 dollars worth of crack instead, it will benefit you more then this game will.

Movie Review: The Devil Wears Prada

I had the joy of watching this abortion of a movie with my fiancé tonight.

Now, if you actually care to read my review of this movie you are probably on the wrong site. Therefore, I will spare the regular 4 readers of this blog and just tell you that this movie reeks or crap.

God Bless.

Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls.

Here's a big one. There was so much being said about this movie, fear and anticipation gripped us all. Indiana Jones is a name that sparks that adventurous spirit in all of us. We grew up watching these films and they were great. Now we have a sequel more then a decade later, does Indy still have it....you bet your ass he does!

The newest Indiana Jones movie follows the formula we are used to experiencing. Supernatural artifacts, punching, the one on one with a huge burly guy that always ends in a brutal death for Indys opponent, whips, and old dangerous underground lairs. When I saw this film over the memorial day weekend, I instantly felt that excitement and amusement I experienced watching the other Indiana films.

(Yes, you're still a good looking bastard)

Indiana's older and a little wiser, but can still do what he's known for. The story was fun and relatively easy to follow. I'm not one to spoil plots, so I won't go into to much detail about anything.

It takes a lot to get me to go to the theaters (the last film I saw at the theater was Shaun of The Dead), but this was the kind of film one needs to see as soon as they can. I give this a 4 out of 5. A thumbs up, and whatever else people do to say they like something these days.

Games of Yore #4 - Street Fighter II

I wanted to save this special game for a special holiday.

Street Fighter II is the granddaddy of all fighting games. If you grew up in the eighties and started to come of age in the early nineties, you know what I am talking about. Street Fighter II is the quintessential fighting game and sets the stage for such superb fighting games like Justice Stage Task Force, Pit Fighter, The Simpsons Wrestling, Ballz, and Shaq-Fu.

To be quite honest, if you are not familiar with this game you are probably not going to read this blog and will not purchase our fabulous merchandise.

The premise of this game is simple. You are one of eight fighters participating in a worldwide tournament to win the biggest prize of them all, the Holy Grail. In other words, you gain the ability to verbally tea bag you friends about how fantastic of a button masher you are and how feeble of a person they are. FANTASTIC!

The mechanics of the game are relatively simple. There are six buttons you press, three for punch and three for kick. There are also special moves specific to each character which requires some sort of keypad directional movement and one of the aforementioned buttons. But all of this does not matter. Just use your medium kick over and over again, and you should be able to put a whoopin’ on anybody while enjoying the curse words you hear from your friend who spent hours and hours mastering his favorite character. God, those were the good old days.

Speaking of characters, I mentioned there were eight you could choose from.

Ryu – The ninja type dude who everybody used in the arcades. He had the Shoryuken move which has become iconic in gaming culture.

Ken – Ryu’s lover

E.Honda – He was the sumo wrestler of the bunch who defied gravity with his vicious 500 pound flying headbutt. He enjoyed fighting in his Japanese bathhouse. Kind of makes you wonder if he had something to do with the Ryu/Ken split.

Zangief – E.Honda’s lover.

Dhalsim – Nobody I know ever used this guy. He could spit fire from his mouth and convert people to Hindu.

Blanka – This poor bastard was suffering from hemmoroids during the entire tournament which explained his green skin and orange hair. Unfortunately, he was from Brazil where they didn’t develop Preparation H until 1995. He was also the character that my good friend “specialized” in. It was fun to see that controller fly across the room while listening to accusations of being a “cheap bastard” and that my technique sucked.

Chun-Li – To avoid lawsuits from the ACLU and the League of Feminist Women, Chun-Li is the female character of the game. She was also the first sexual experience for some young men.

Guile – The army dude. He was my favorite because his special moves were the easiest to use. Plus, I could always beat Blanka with him which allowed me to witness my good friend suffer a nervous breakdown which would eventually lead to him suffering from the hemorrhoids he deals with today.

Peace.

Happy Memorial Day!

The LXG crew (sans Tony who lives in North Carolina) came together this weekend to celebrate and remember the fallen soldiers who helped protect the freedoms we enjoy in this great country. Make no mistake about it, this IS the greatest country in the world.

Last night the crew shared a special moment. We were relaxing after the Saturday night affair (AKA party) by having a few drinks. We were flipping through the channels and came upon my guilty pleasure, Meerkat Manor.

I sat their nervously for a second, not wanting to change the channel. I looked over at Jamar who had the same expression on his face. I looked back at Justin who seemed more concerned about the lack of beer in his bottle. It was a tense moment for all of us.

I finally broke the silence and stated, “I like this damn show,” or something along the same lines. It was then, and only then, that the tension was broken and we all confessed our love for the furry little bastards. We cried, we laughed, and we reassured each other of our manhood. We all turned out to be experts. Hell, Jamar knew more about the older characters than I did.

All in all, it was a great night. We watched Meerkat Manor, Unbeatable Banzuke, got destroyed by Justin in COD4, and finally settled on some Super Smash Bros.

Happy Memorial Day!

Games of Yore update later today.

GTA IV - Still unimpressed

Gang, I am just tired of GTA IV. I am not trying to play Devil’s Advocate. I am not trying to be different. I am not purposely trying to whine. I am just plain tired of this damn game. Frankly, it is overrated.

You know what I dread most? Screwing up a mission and having to restart and drive all the way back to that damn mission location. Talk about tedious. You know how many times I had to listen to Brucie talk about his “funny balls” during the first racing mission? You know how many times I wanted to push that ass of a character out of the car and run him over?

The cursing is just over the top. I admit, sometimes I sound like a sailor, but this game even puts Eddie Murphy to shame.

Did I mention how monotonous the missions are? I am tired of having to go somewhere and kill somebody. Sorry, have been there done that three games ago.

Funny balls…give me a break.

All of the characters are obnoxious…blatantly obnoxious.

If Dwayne bitches one more time about his horrible life…

If Roman whines about not spending time with more one more time…

I swear, I could care less if the characters died.

God forbid you accidentally run a toll booth. You will have the LCPD helicopters after the two dollars you forgot to pay. Meanwhile, you can teabag a hooker in plain daylight then run over her and not even get a cop’s notice.

I don’t mind putting down the controller in this game. It really reminds me of Super Mario World, been there, done that, nothing really special about the game.

I am going to play some more and hope that something intrigues me. I still say there are other games that are leaps and bounds ahead of GTA IV.

Game Partisan

Last Action Gamer is happy to announce that LXG will be teaming up with the kind people over at GamePartisan (click the banner to check out their website) to produce apparel for their gaming mag.

The Full Effect has apparently used his skillful tactics in Halo 3 (he bullied the head honcho) to convince the two ventures that it would be a good idea to work together.

GamePartisan apparel will be ready as soon as we learn to tie our own shoes....look for it in mid-summer.

WiiNovations

With the WiiFit launch, what do you all think will be the next Wiinovation™?

WiiSleep™ - After playing mere minutes of Super Mario World, this comfortable pillow attachment makes sure your game is saved automatically when you promptly pass out.

WiiToilet™ - This is a competitive game which works with WiFi. You can actually compete with your friends to see how long your bathroom breaks last. Mini games are included like “don’t get any on the seat.”

WiiConversation™ - This is handy for those nights when your significant other wants to have a lengthy conversation about world events after you have had a hard day at work. It comes with a WiiMicrophone™ and records your voice which it uses as it links with the WiiNewsChannel™ to simulate a conversation with your significant other.

WiiBake-A-Cake™ - Included in this package is an electrical mini oven and the WiiBake-A-Cake game. Rachel Ray teaches you how to cook in this game while you use your ove. You can use this game in conjunction with the WiiMote and simulate slapping Rachel Ray when she gets too obnoxious.

WiiSueNintendo™ - This one is not produced by Nintendo. It is a simple attachment that you place around your neck and is used in conjunction with a car racing game. Once you have an accident in the game, the WiiNeckbrace shakes vigorously, stimulating a whiplash. You then have the ability to file a lawsuit against Nintendo.

Final Fantasy Ring of Fates

Let me start off by saying, I am a huge Final Fantasy fan. I've played a vast majority of the games that Square Enix has thrown my way. I am very happy to see some of the older games being re-released on the Nintendo DS. I thought the DS version of FF III was very well done. FF Ring of Fates had a very similar look to it, so I thought I was in for more fun...instead, I flushed 30 dollars down the toilet.

This game is an uninspired afterthought, like that girl at the bar you start talking to only because all the more interesting women left.



(alright, how many beers will it take to make this happen?)

Let's start with the combat system (fart sound), just keep smashing that attack button and you'll be fine. There is no challenge at all in this game. All bosses and random creatures will fall under your mighty blade even if you don't really try or pay attention.

The weapons and armour are easy to obtain, and all the enemies just take a dive in front of you anyway. The storyline is the most stereotypical, heard it before crap I have come across in years. I was actually embarrassed playing this game. The voice acting seemed like a good idea until I heard it. It so so bad, I had to turn down the volume if anyone was around so not to shame myself further.

I know the DS is generally geared toward younger audiences but, with games like Zelda Phantom Hourglass, Advance Wars, and World Ends With You, there are no excuses for putting mindless crap like this on the market....especially when it carries the FF name.

These days there are always high expectations from the big name games (Mario, Zelda, GTA, Resident Evil, etc), and I don't think they put out anything that isn't at least decent. What the hell Square Enix...why? This game gets a 0 from me and an invoice for 30 dollars!

The Human Video Game..

I stumbled across a long lost gem today. "The Human Video Game" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. I remember when I first heard this song and the joy it made me feel. I couldn't believe that there was another human being who loved video games as much as I. Let alone actually had the cojones to make a song about it. Like a back alley documentary this song confesses Will Smith's physical dependency on video games. Nostalgia sets in as he pleads to the owner of an arcade not to toss him out after what seems like a never ending game playing binge. Ahh, to be young again. Whens the last time you were excited to go to an arcade? Do they even still exist in the U.S.? I guess there's no need when you can shell out a mere $499 to have a console at home that doesn't require quarters. I can still smell the metal from the change machines and the sounds of random button mashing and cursing. I can still see the bright lights illuminating from the dark cavern beckoning me in to spend the last of granddads pocket change. I'm sure you remember these classics: M.E.R.C.S., TMNT, WWF/WWE Wrestlefest , Street Fighter 2, Double Dragon, Ms. Pac-Man, X-Men, The Simpsons, Donkey Kong, Mario Bros., Contra, Kung-Fu, Final Fight, Moon Patrol, Centipede and the extremely difficult Ghosts N Goblins. I remember wishing that I could afford to have an arcade at home like that blond haired freak, Ricky, from Silver Spoons.

Anyway, if I were capable I would bring back the arcade. Complete with free flowing booze, loud music, and bikini clad waitresses. It would stay open 24 hrs a day 365 days a year and offer member benefits. You could meet the girl of your dreams there and have a place of serenity to escape to when the Mrs. won't stop nagging. It would be a digital heaven for geeks like me.

Check out " The Human Video Game" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince, then rush to the nearest arcade and blow that $5.25 you make per hour on new found virtual bliss.

http://www.imeem.com/racecarracecar/music/9b56hmSe/dj_jazzy_jeff_the_fresh_prince_human_video_game/

Stealthcon's Mom Gets Jacked: GTA Style!!

You heard it right!! My mommy dearest, the one and only StealthMom, was recently the victim of a jacking!! Some crotch-flea couldn't resist the temptation of jacking my moms whip. And what might you ask does StealthMom drive? A Mercedes, NO! A BMW, NO! It must be a something worth the 3-5 yr. jail bid that accompanies such a triumph...NO! StealthMom drives, excuse me drove, a beat-up, off-blue, 4 cylinder, 1.5 liter, barely 2 wheel drive, 2002 Suzuki Esteem. I mean I know GTA IV is a great game and all but damn!! Not StealthMom's ride. Anyway, be on the lookout and call the Liberty City PD if you see Niko or anyone resembling him joyriding in mama's car.

Games of Yore #3: Golden Axe - Raiders of Death Adder

Following up on my review of Populus two weeks ago, is another Genesis classic.. Nothing encompasses a button mashing good time like one of my personal Genesis favorites, Golden Axe. The drum sounds and cheap music still haunt my gaming dreams.

Starring Miles O’Keefe of Cave Dwellers fame, Brigitte Nielson of Red Sonja and Danny DeVito as Gilius Dunderhead, Golden Axe takes you on a journey of epic proportions. You select one of the three characters and make your way across the fantasy land of Yuria.

Death Adder is the villain and has captured the king and princess. Much like a mafia godfather, Adder and his merry band of thugs killed O’Keefe’s mother, Nielson’s family, and DeVito’s twin brother, Schwarzenegger. This explains why these B-movie actors are pissed and are ready to whip out their battle axes, swords, and environmentally unsafe magic.

Your journey would feature sleep times where a little bastard gnome would invade your camp. Luckily, you woke up and opened up a can of whoop ass on him allowing him to drop health potions and magic potions.

As you continued towards Death Adder’s castle, you came across the typical band of enemies, skeletons, guys with clubs, knights, more guys with clubs, amazons, some guys with maces, and sometimes even beast riders.

There were two beasts that you could ride: (1) Chicken Leg, and (2) Dragon. Don’t ask about Chicken Leg.

Anyway, it is your typical button masher. One button for jump, one button for magic, and one button for attack. The graphics were great for the time. Not sure what else to say here kids.

You can check it out on XBOX Live or Wii Virtual Console. I would recommend it for a night of laughs and cheap booze.

Making the Grade: Death Cab for Cutie

Ok. So I know this is a site dedicated to those who were reared (ewww) during the Nintendo era. However, I have to take time to review the latest, dare I say, opus, Narrow Stairs by Death Cab For Cutie. I admit, I wasn't raised on DCFC and had never even heard of them until recently. On my way home from my straight 8 (ref. 8 hr. work day for those who don't get it), I decided to stray from my usual serving of The Howard Stern Show in favor of something a little more palatable. During my humble journey through the land of Sirius Satelite Radio I stumbled across an awe inspiring and gratifying meal. Something that was inspiring, intimate, and visually drawn in a way that music hasn't animated itself in a while. That serving was Summer Skin by a DCFC. The way they drew me in and made me envision the scenario painted immediately made me take note of this unknown band. I decided to keep trecking. So I Googled DCFC to see if the rest of the music they made lived up to the expectation that I now had. And for the most part it did. Enough to make me take time out to listen to Narrow Stairs.

Starting off brilliantly with the drum and bass inspired Bixby Canyon Bridge the album immediately unfolds itself into a mostly up-tempo effort. Standout songs like I Will Possess Your Heart , Talking Bird, and Twin Sized Bed showcase the group's poetic leanings. With 11 good to great songs to digest it's hard not to leave the table that is Narrow Stairs unsatisfied. In fact, the shortness of the album keeps you hungry for more. Soulful, passionate, and beautifully arranged, DCFC have created something that will have listeners full yet starving for more. Do yourself a favor and get this album!!
On my Genesis scale of 7 Days: This album rates 6.0 Days out of 7. Damn near completed creation.

** Honorable Mention: The Roots: Rising Down 6.5 Days out of 7

American Gladiators - The Second Season

Here at LXG headquarters, we like to promote the gaming lifestyle. The gaming lifestyle is more than just playing video games; it is about the type of people who call themselves gamers and what us as gamers like to do outside of video games.

The golden age of gaming (as us old farts who grew up with Nintendo and Sega called it) reminds me of aspects of life outside the video games. One television program that comes to mind is American Gladiators. (Interesting gaming tidbit, Hawk from the original American Gladiators actually appeared on G4’s Arena).

Well, NBC decided to bring back American Gladiators earlier this year with your hosts Hulk Hogan and Tatiana “I am only famous because my dad’s name is Muhammad” Ali. I don’t want to talk about them, because that is just boring. (Even if I was a Hulkamaniac).

What I do want to talk about is the second season of American Gladiators which started tonight, right up against Paradise Hotel 2 during the second hour. Hooray.

After watching the second season premiere, and at times laughing my ass off, I realized that I miss the original American Gladiators and how it correlated with the golden age of gaming.

Tonight’s American Gladiators was nothing short of special, or should I say, full of special contestants.

We were first faced with a 22-year old firefighter named Elena who was from the Ukraine. Elena had the body of a 35-year old and the physical ability of Wilford Brimley. Her prowess in the game of Assault (The game were a gladiator shoots tennis balls at you whilst you run around like a schoolgirl shooting certified nerf weaponry at some target above the gladiator) was abysmal. Like a fat kid reaching for a chocolate cheesecake that sits behind a bakery’s counter, Elena could not master of the weapons.

First, she screwed up the tennis ball slingshot, not once, but twice. Second, she fired the nerf bazooka in the wrong direction. Instead of going forward to the target, it went backward and nailed her pride right in the jaw. Don’t get me started on her eliminator run.

I can’t say enough about some of the Gladiators.

Hellga (notice the spiffy way they spell HeLLga, with two l’s. The writers are just phenomenal) the Norweigan-esque woman who looks like a fat St. Pauli Girl. I am convinced she hides some twinkees in her costume to get her enough of a sugar surge to get through the show tapings.

I sat there in bewilderment as the two contestants made her look the full. Hellga is about as useful to Gladiators as a match is to a

Thumbelina, or should I say, Rocket, the winner of the first season is a new gladiator. Great, he gave up his job as a professional mountain climber (aka unemployed) to prance around in black spandex. Somebody has to tell this guy to get a new entrance. The whole ballerina thing just doesn’t work. If I was a contestant, I would more than nervous about going against his 12 inch pythons, brutha.

Apparently, there were thousands and thousands of people who tried out to be contestants for the second season. After watching the season premier, I am convinced that the people who watched over the tryouts were clearly drunk and realized this was a summer show so nobody would be watching. This gave us the first nine minute eliminator.

I will continue to watch American Gladiators and reminisce about the days of Nitro, Malibu (hehehehe), Lace, and Diamond.

Games of Yore tomorrow fools

Deeper into the rabbit hole that is GTA IV.

Every major gaming review site/show had that perfect 5 or 10 to give GTA IV the day it came out. Obviously GTA IV has a lot of content, and to jump the gun so quickly with only 2-5 hours to play the game and give it a perfect score is kind of funny.

Yes, GTA IV is an amazing game, but it takes time to truly appreciate all the fine details the game has to offer. Here at LXG, we thought it was fair to give an initial impression of GTA IV and hold it to very high standards. You have to earn your strips around here..... and being able to select what kind of service you want from your street walker is a great way to start.

Those are the little details that makes this game so real. If you want to be a lazy ass....sit around and watch t.v. all day, go for it! Take a cab and tour Liberty City, snipe an a-hole preacher who tells everyone they're going to hell. One of the most entertaining parts of this game is the radio. You have so many great styles of music, and just like in real life, you get all the b.s. advertisements and radio talk shows.

Rockstar has done a great job making fun of the lame advertisements we deal with in our cars everyday....if only Niko could steal an i-pod, I could bypass those adds like I do in real life.

All the familiar stores, brands, and cars are in this game (with slightly modified names or looks so no one has to pay anyone or deal with the consequences of having their product associated with this game). The characters and story in this game keeps it interesting. It still feels good to watch the annoying characters die, and to get revenge on the bastards who screwed you over and Facked with your family!



(Don't Fack with me!)




I love being able to take cover during a gun fight, and take some shots while behind cover. The weapons are fun and feel solid and accurate. The auto aim can be annoying when there are many targets, but it's a minor thing.

I have not even touched the online play that this game offers (but I've heard good things). Expect a brutally honest review of that soon!

I will be burning many more hours into this game, and I will be very happy to do so. This game deserves all the credit it has received (maybe not before everyone really got into it, but whatever..they rolled the dice and won). This game deserves all the 10's, 5's, 2 thumbs up, 3 thumbs up etc. it received.

Movie Review: Iron Man

We aren’t going to solely review games here on the LXG blog. we want to touch all areas of the gamer lifestyle which includes movies. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching Iron Man, staring Robert Downey, Jr., the beloved coke head who has spent more stints in rehab than Mayor Marion Barry.

The movie is solid. If you are a fan of Iron Man, you will like this movie because it really exemplifies the story of Tony Stark. From the original Iron Man suit, to the Ultimate version which is in current circulation, to the background story of Stark, this movie captures it all.

Marion Barry does a fantastic job of portraying Tony Stark, which I think is the best part of the movie. He really captures the playboy attitude of Tony Stark.

Jeff “The Dude” Bridges was a welcome addition as Stane, Stark’s business partner and arch-nemesis. Paltrow is just same old down on her luck Paltrow. Who cares. I really liked the addition of Terrance Howard, who portrays James Rhodes, the man who becomes War Machie.

The CGI was the biggest star I this movie. It did not look cheesy or fake. It was downright fantastic. The battles sequences flowed well with the CGI.

Iron Man 2 is on the way. I am especially looking forward to War Machine, which was heavily alluded to in the current release.

I give it a 4 out of 5.

Games of Yore #2: Populous.

When I was a wee lad, I had visions of grandeur, including ruling over a kingdom of minions that would do all of my bidding. My curfew, lack of a vehicle, and my age prevented me from fulfilling my ultimate destiny. Thankfully, my parents bought me a game in hopes I would learn to be a world leader one day.

The truth is, my parents bought me the game because I liked strategy games. I wanted to be a professional baseball player when I was growing up.

Populous is the name of game developed by famed video game guy Peter Molyneux who I am sure won some meaningless video game awards with Sid Meier!

Populous is a game of strategy which teaches the gamer how to toy with followers’ emotions. You start of as a deity who controls a small population of peons who worship you for no apparent reason. They have no houses, no food, and are beyond incompetent. You, as god of the peons, shoulder the burden of flattening out the land, pushing random in-game buttons that would trigger powers, and hoping the other guy doesn’t send a knight over to your town that will ruin your perfect little civilization.

The game was addicting for me. As you flatten out land, your followers will build more hovels and reproduce like rabbits. As your followers reproduce, you gain more power, which allows you to flatten out more land, which allows your followers to reproduce, which allows you to gain more power, which allows you to flatten out more land. Insert your politically incorrect joke here.

The drumbeat sounds suck.

There were times when this game was really frustrating. I remember watching my flat land and little peons in all of their glory, only to have the other god take a gigantic piss all over my civilization by instituting a flood. My little followers would wade helplessly as I sat and watched.

The absolute best part of this game was “knighting” people. After the knighting ceremonies, Sir Lancelot, Sir Gaiwan, and Sir Elton John would then be sent over to abuse the other god’s followers. Yes, they would burn and pillage while you would sit back, laugh, and flatten more land.

I have many fond memories of this game. I give it a 7 out of 10.

Army of Two

I love co-op shooters. Having a friend to play through a game with you is always a blast....unless that person sucks terribly, then it turns into one long baby sitting ordeal. Putting that aside, I was really looking forward to playing Army of Two.


My first impression of the game was that it looked good, had some interesting concepts (co-op snipe, switching weapons with your partner), but it felt very familiar. Oh, now I remember this is a Gears of War clone. They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but both of these games cost the same. There really should be a mediocre discount on some of these games. There's a reason BMW's cost more than Kia's.


Army of Two is an awkward feeling game. It uses the same 3rd person- cover system that Gears of War made popular....just not nearly as good. The servers work well, I've never been booted or had trouble connecting. I'm just not always motivated to connect.

The story line is familiar and uninteresting. It's full of f-bombs and the such in an attempt to add some flavor, or prove that it's cool, but nobody likes that guy.

(Dude, seriously, stop shooting prostitutes)

One thing I did think that they did well was the system used for healing your team mate. It was so easy to get someone back in the fight in Gears of War, just hit a button and you're good. It made things a little easy at times. In Army of Two, it takes a few seconds to get you buddy back up, and if you get hit...you have to start the process over. Fortunately, your wounded pal can continue to cap people while on his ass.

The weapon upgrades add a little bit of interest to the experience, but there are only a handful of weapons available, and they get old very quickly. I thought that the aiming system was very sluggish as well, and leading a target never felt quite right. Overall I still had fun going through this game once, then I completely lost interest and was very happy it cost me $0 dollars (thanks pops). Paying for this game = regret, like moving in with that hot girl who turns out to be crazy and makes out with her cat.....I'd give this game a 5 out of 10.

Another 1st impression of GTA IV.

I remember when I first played GTA III. I ran around and just explored everything....it was such a new experience. I was blown away by the size of it (Insert joke here). Whenever you play a game like GTA, one always wonders how much better the sequel is going to be. GTA has made a lot of advances over the years....mostly little things, outfits, mini games, riding a bicycle like a true gangster etc.

I'm very impressed so far by GTA IV. I think they have made some interesting advances (like playing a game, and watching T.V. in that game) but it still feels fundamentaly the same as the game I played on the PS2 back in the day....just bling-e-er.

That's not a problem exactley, if it's not broken don't fix it right? Well, we'll see how this game develops as I dive deeper into it. I don't believe we as a gaming community should just jump on the bandwagon and praise this or any other game becasue it cost one hundred million dollars to make, or beacuse X-play says so.

I've got my eye on you GTA IV....and you'd had better deliver.

Grand Theft Auto IV: First Impressions

Just like the rest of you knuckleheads, Team LXG has been hard at work playing the smash hit “Grand Theft Auto IV.” Well, with the exception of Paul who is still stuck in November playing Mass Effect.

If you have perused the other grand websites of gaming, you will have noticed that GTA IV has been receiving 10 out of 10 or 5 out of 5. What do I think? Here it goes….

Is this game good? Yes, it is a solid game. I have put in about four hours with the game. Therefore, if you email me with hate mail and tell

You start out as Niko Somebody, an immigrant from some Eastern Bloc country. Having survived off of a steady diet of bread and water for the past thirty odd years, Niko is ready for the Kentucky fried taste of New York City, I mean Liberty City.

The story thus far is the best part of the game. It is not nearly as bland as the last three installments of the Grand Theft series. I actually give a damn about Niko. He is one cool dude with his Cro-Magnon style look. The characters actually have character. From the potbelly cousin Roman, to Vlad Drakov, this game actually incorporates character. I like that part.

The graphics are updated. Fantastic. I am not a graphics-whore, so this really plays little in what I think.

I am sure you all have had the time to read the positive reviews. I am going to cut the crap and talk about why this game falls short of a 10 (at least in my mind).

Frustrating: It took me 30 minutes to find a freakin’ brick to throw at a window. I work for a living. I don’t have time to spend 30 minutes to look for a freakin’ brick. It would have been helpful if Rockstar could have put some type of glowing icon on what you can and cannot pick up. Don’t get me started on chasing people with the next car physics.

Same ol’, same ol’: I loved Grand Theft Auto III and Vice City. I played San Andreas for 4 hours before I traded it in. I had played the game twice before. Go to a cutscene, get a mission, go to mission (which will inevitably require you killing somebody), complete mission (sometimes after 30 minutes looking for a freaking brick), go to next cutscene, continue) GTA IV follows the same pattern. I just got bored with it, and I see myself growing wary already.

Dark: This game is freakin’ dark. I had to jack up the brightness just to see anything at night.

Unrealistic: Yeah, you all know what I am talking about. Niko has already slept with Michelle four times. The dates? Cluck N’ Bell, Cluck N’ Bell, and pool. How often would a woman give in after two dates to Cluck N. Bell for you?

Car Physics: Bleh
That’s my impression so far. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression that this is an average game, but it is not. This is a solid game. However, unlike Oblivion, Mass Effect, and Baseball Stars, after awhile I felt the desire to put the controller game.

More impressions to come kiddies. Then, and only then, will I give my final verdict.