Games of Yore #2: Populous.

When I was a wee lad, I had visions of grandeur, including ruling over a kingdom of minions that would do all of my bidding. My curfew, lack of a vehicle, and my age prevented me from fulfilling my ultimate destiny. Thankfully, my parents bought me a game in hopes I would learn to be a world leader one day.

The truth is, my parents bought me the game because I liked strategy games. I wanted to be a professional baseball player when I was growing up.

Populous is the name of game developed by famed video game guy Peter Molyneux who I am sure won some meaningless video game awards with Sid Meier!

Populous is a game of strategy which teaches the gamer how to toy with followers’ emotions. You start of as a deity who controls a small population of peons who worship you for no apparent reason. They have no houses, no food, and are beyond incompetent. You, as god of the peons, shoulder the burden of flattening out the land, pushing random in-game buttons that would trigger powers, and hoping the other guy doesn’t send a knight over to your town that will ruin your perfect little civilization.

The game was addicting for me. As you flatten out land, your followers will build more hovels and reproduce like rabbits. As your followers reproduce, you gain more power, which allows you to flatten out more land, which allows your followers to reproduce, which allows you to gain more power, which allows you to flatten out more land. Insert your politically incorrect joke here.

The drumbeat sounds suck.

There were times when this game was really frustrating. I remember watching my flat land and little peons in all of their glory, only to have the other god take a gigantic piss all over my civilization by instituting a flood. My little followers would wade helplessly as I sat and watched.

The absolute best part of this game was “knighting” people. After the knighting ceremonies, Sir Lancelot, Sir Gaiwan, and Sir Elton John would then be sent over to abuse the other god’s followers. Yes, they would burn and pillage while you would sit back, laugh, and flatten more land.

I have many fond memories of this game. I give it a 7 out of 10.